HILL: Bill, I want to be president. I NEED to be president.
BILL: What's that you said? I got distracted by that girl in the pool next door.
HILL: Pay attention, Bill. I have a plan. I need to be president.
BILL: I know you do, but nobody likes you, hon.
HILL: They don't have to LIKE me, they just have to be bamboozled into thinking I'm better than somebody else, a boogeyman type character. We've got to make everybody think the country's going to be hell on earth if they don't vote for me.
BILL: I don't think you can overcome the fact that they think you're a lying, corrupt, warmongering opportunist, babe.
HILL: You're so slow sometimes, Bill. I don't know how you managed to stay in office so long.
BILL: I almost didn't, but I've got more charm than you.
HILL: Shut up, Bill. All we have to do is feed the liberals a few catch phrases to distract them, like, “First woman president;” “It's her turn;” “Must keep blank from becoming president;” “Experienced.”
BILL: Experienced? Now, that's a stretch, Hill. Just because you've been in Washington a long time, that doesn't make you experienced or good at a high-level job. You can't go taking credit for other people's work and ideas.
HILL: Shut up, Bill. Of course, I can. It's all about marketing. Will you please stay focused? If we can get the liberals to freak out because the sky's going to fall, that will make the ignoramuses on the other side dig in their heels. They always take whatever position they think is the opposite. We need somebody who can rouse the ignorant bigots, and make them think they can take over the country again.
BILL: Yeah, but you've also got to have some gullible liberals to make it work. And liberals aren't that gullible.
HILL: Really, Bill? Really?
BILL: Hmm, okay. But suppose some guy like that Bernie Sanders decides to run?
HILL: I am NOT not worried about somebody like Bernie Sanders. Just plant the idea that he's a communist. The conservatives will believe it, and the liberals will believe they'll believe it. Anyway, Debbie and I have got that covered. Media blackout, a little rigging here and there, call in a few favors, pay a few people off. We can shut that down, no problem.
BILL: Okay, we still need the evil, scary guy.
HILL: Think, Bill. Who do we know narcissistic enough to do it? Someone who loves a good show more than anyone else, with him at the center, but a guy who doesn't really want the POTUS job?
BILL: Ahh, that might work. But suppose those fools actually like him, and they get the evangelicals on board. What if he manages to win the primaries?
HILL: He'll just start acting more and more unhinged and absurd until they give him the boot. If it comes down to it, he'll give a lame reason and quit, so he can say he didn't lose. You know him. Go shoot him an e-mail.
BILL: You know I don't use e-mail.
HILL: Call him, then. Put that bug in his ear. Do I have to tell you everything? And, Bill...
BILL: What?
HILL: When we do this, when we carry out this scheme, don't you go doing things like insulting millennials, standing too close to polling places, and stopping Loretta on the tarmac. I swear, sometimes I think you're trying to sabotage me, so you can be the only president in the house.
BILL: Look, don't you worry about me. My part's easy. I'll make the call, and then figure out how I want to be referred to, as husband of the president. If I were you, I'd be more worried about that server in the basement.
HILL: Shut up, Bill.
BILL: What's that you said? I got distracted by that girl in the pool next door.
HILL: Pay attention, Bill. I have a plan. I need to be president.
BILL: I know you do, but nobody likes you, hon.
HILL: They don't have to LIKE me, they just have to be bamboozled into thinking I'm better than somebody else, a boogeyman type character. We've got to make everybody think the country's going to be hell on earth if they don't vote for me.
BILL: I don't think you can overcome the fact that they think you're a lying, corrupt, warmongering opportunist, babe.
HILL: You're so slow sometimes, Bill. I don't know how you managed to stay in office so long.
BILL: I almost didn't, but I've got more charm than you.
HILL: Shut up, Bill. All we have to do is feed the liberals a few catch phrases to distract them, like, “First woman president;” “It's her turn;” “Must keep blank from becoming president;” “Experienced.”
BILL: Experienced? Now, that's a stretch, Hill. Just because you've been in Washington a long time, that doesn't make you experienced or good at a high-level job. You can't go taking credit for other people's work and ideas.
HILL: Shut up, Bill. Of course, I can. It's all about marketing. Will you please stay focused? If we can get the liberals to freak out because the sky's going to fall, that will make the ignoramuses on the other side dig in their heels. They always take whatever position they think is the opposite. We need somebody who can rouse the ignorant bigots, and make them think they can take over the country again.
BILL: Yeah, but you've also got to have some gullible liberals to make it work. And liberals aren't that gullible.
HILL: Really, Bill? Really?
BILL: Hmm, okay. But suppose some guy like that Bernie Sanders decides to run?
HILL: I am NOT not worried about somebody like Bernie Sanders. Just plant the idea that he's a communist. The conservatives will believe it, and the liberals will believe they'll believe it. Anyway, Debbie and I have got that covered. Media blackout, a little rigging here and there, call in a few favors, pay a few people off. We can shut that down, no problem.
BILL: Okay, we still need the evil, scary guy.
HILL: Think, Bill. Who do we know narcissistic enough to do it? Someone who loves a good show more than anyone else, with him at the center, but a guy who doesn't really want the POTUS job?
BILL: Ahh, that might work. But suppose those fools actually like him, and they get the evangelicals on board. What if he manages to win the primaries?
HILL: He'll just start acting more and more unhinged and absurd until they give him the boot. If it comes down to it, he'll give a lame reason and quit, so he can say he didn't lose. You know him. Go shoot him an e-mail.
BILL: You know I don't use e-mail.
HILL: Call him, then. Put that bug in his ear. Do I have to tell you everything? And, Bill...
BILL: What?
HILL: When we do this, when we carry out this scheme, don't you go doing things like insulting millennials, standing too close to polling places, and stopping Loretta on the tarmac. I swear, sometimes I think you're trying to sabotage me, so you can be the only president in the house.
BILL: Look, don't you worry about me. My part's easy. I'll make the call, and then figure out how I want to be referred to, as husband of the president. If I were you, I'd be more worried about that server in the basement.
HILL: Shut up, Bill.
